Relationship Sessions
The relationship can be the focus even when both people aren't in the room.
Sometimes you come together.
Sometimes one person is ready to look at what's happening and the other isn't.
Either can be a place to begin.
The work isn't about deciding who is right.
We look at what actually happens between you.
Where the conversation changes.
What each person starts responding to.
What becomes harder to say.
What gets repeated even when both of you intended the conversation to go differently.
The relationship gives us something specific to look at.
If You Come Together
I'll pay attention to the exchange while it's happening.
A question gets answered differently than it was asked.
A pause changes the direction of the conversation.
One person starts explaining. The other gets quieter.
The original point disappears while both people respond to what just happened.
Those moments give us useful information.
We can slow them down enough to see what each of you was responding to—and what happened next.
If You Come Without Your Partner
You can still work on a relationship when the other person isn't participating.
There is an entire side of the exchange that belongs to you.
What you anticipate before a conversation.
What you stop saying once it begins.
When you start explaining, accommodating, pursuing, withdrawing, or trying to settle the moment.
What you decide the other person's response means.
Changing your participation changes the exchange, even when you can't control what the other person does.
What Relationship Work Can Include
You might come because conversations keep ending in the same place.
Because you've become careful around certain subjects.
Because one of you wants more connection and the other seems to want more room.
Because trust has changed.
Because parenting, work, money, intimacy, family, or a major transition has started organizing more of the relationship.
Or because nothing is obviously wrong, but something between you has become harder.
You don't need a perfect explanation for it.
Bring the relationship as it actually is.